My partner insists on watching porn while we have sex. It bothers me that he needs visual stimulation while we're in the middle of doing our thing. It pisses me off but it also makes me insecure that he needs to see other people to get in the mood.
Ahhhhhh, you just answered my question with those last four words: get in the mood. Your entire submission is a contradiction. Getting in the mood is one thing and “while we have sex” is another. Which is it?
What is it about the porn that gets him going? Does he need to see someone else’s nudity before he’s inspired to get nekkid himself? And how far in (to the porn, I mean) before he starts gettin’ all over you?
I’ve heard about people that have porn playing in the background so that it’s an added stimulation – a boner bonus, if you will – but not that it’s needed to get things going. On the other hand (so to speak), I remember in high school the invitation to come over to watch some porn with a wink-wink to what the ultimate plan is. It was a precursor, if you will.
In an established relationship, it’s worth having a conversation. And here’s the thing: if you’re uncomfortable talking about that, how close and intimate can you truly get? Not very, I suspect.
There are some other thoughts I had. If the porn is on a TV across the room and the remote control is near you, what would happen if you “accidentally” hit the power button and the screen went off? Do you think he’d stop and fumble to get the picture back on? That would be a true test of how into you he is (oh boy, pun maybe intended). If he doesn’t even notice you knocked off the screen then your knocking-boots session is the focus of his attention, right? Good on you – literally!