My partner is too emotional... but not in the way most people would think. We've been together through one sports season. Let me explain why that matters. We started dating at the beginning of the hockey season last year. I don't care much for sports but he's into it so I went along because I had nothing better to do. He's that fan who's decked out in team gear and standing up throughout the game and screaming at the players and high-fiving people when there's a goal. That's not the embarrassing part. (Maybe it kind of is but everyone else is doing it so it's acceptable.) I saw a new side of him when his favorite team was in the playoffs. When they lost a game, he was genuinely pissed on the way home. Like, pissed to the point of grumbling and barely talking to me. I almost felt like saying, "Are you mad at me? What did I do?" and make him get out of the car and walk to his house since I was driving. When his team got into the finals he was thrilled. He was maybe too happy. And when they lost, he was devastated. He cried. Literally cried. He's that person you see on TV at the end of the final game standing there sobbing because a group of overpaid athletes he's never met that don't care about him hurt him deeply. Not gonna lie, a grown man crying in the stands of a game because a team lost was embarrassing. I'm concerned he's TOO into hockey.
Well, at least he's not ashamed to show his emotional side. But, yeah, yikes, time and place, time and place. And also scenario. I hope he gets that worked up about things that actually matter in life.
We all have our passions, our hobbies, the things that bring us joy or frustration. But when that passion starts to overshadow the relationship or cause embarrassment, it’s natural to question whether the balance is right. You’ve only been together through one season and already you’re seeing a side of him that seems… excessive.
From your description, he’s not just a casual fan; he’s invested. He’s decked out in gear, he’s vocal during games, and when his team’s fate is on the line, the emotional pendulum swings wildly. You mentioned his post-loss grumbling, the near-silent car ride, and then the ultimate display: tears of devastation when "his" team failed to win the finals. (I'm always amazed that fans claim a team as "theirs" or refer to it as "we" -- meaning, "If we win tonight...") And yes, seeing a grown man openly weeping in public over a sporting event, especially when it’s impacting his mood and interaction with you, can certainly feel awkward, even embarrassing. I'd have pretended I wasn't with him and kept a good distance until he regained his composure. It would've been worse if you embraced and consoled him. Yikes. Don't. Never.
Your instinct to question if he's "too into hockey" is valid. It raises a crucial point about emotional regulation and the boundaries between a hobby and an unhealthy obsession. We can all get caught up in the excitement of a game. I, too, have felt the sting of a favorite team's loss or the elation of a victory. It's part of the shared experience, the communal passion that sports can foster. But there’s a difference between being a passionate fan and letting those outcomes dictate your entire emotional state, especially to the point of impacting your partner.
The fact that he was "genuinely pissed on the way home" after a loss, barely speaking to you, is a red flag. It suggests that his emotional response to the game is spilling over into your personal interactions, making you feel like you need to tiptoe around his mood. And the tears? While I believe it's important not to judge people for expressing emotion and certainly not to shame a man for crying (although, sometimes!), the context here is what's concerning you. It's not a moment of personal grief or profound empathy; it's a reaction to the performance of athletes he's never met.
You need to express your feelings to him, but do so calmly and without accusation. Instead of saying, "You're too emotional about hockey," try framing it around how his reactions affect you. You could say something like, "I appreciate that you're so passionate about hockey, but sometimes after a loss, I feel a little out of the loop or even a bit concerned when you're so upset that it affects the mood afterwards."
Is hockey a way for him to unwind, to feel connected to something larger than himself, or perhaps a way to process emotions in a generalized sense? Understanding why he’s so invested might help you find a shared language or perspective. Perhaps he sees it as a form of escapism or a healthy outlet for stress, even if the expression of that outlet is intense.
And, look at this long term. If this is how he reacts about a sport he's not even playing, how is he in day-to-day life when actual moments and instances impact him directly? How is he in crisis? A healthy relationship involves individuals who can manage their emotions and ensure their passions don't become a burden on their partner. It's about finding a balance where his love for the game enriches his life without detracting from the quality of your shared life.
It's not about asking him to stop being a fan or to never feel the highs and lows of the sport. It’s about encouraging him to have a healthy perspective, to recognize that while sports are fun and engaging, they are ultimately entertainment. It’s about ensuring his emotional well-being, and therefore yours, isn't entirely contingent on the performance of athletes.
What did we always hear in school when kids would throw a fit because they lost? "It's just a game."