A childhood friend is getting married. We were close going through school but later in life he became better friends with my older brothers because they share the same interests. I've lost touch with him but he still hangs out with my brothers and he comes to our family get togethers. My brothers and parents are invited to his wedding but I'm not. Should I say something to my former friend?
I wouldn’t. Do you really want to go? Or are you just wanting to confront him and find out why you weren’t invited to someone’s wedding who you never talk to anymore?
Flip it around: You’re putting together your wedding guest list – knowing how expensive it can be for each person with the meal, booze, etc. – and you make decisions about who makes the cut and who doesn’t. You gonna pay for someone you haven't talked to in years?
Here’s another test: How did you find out about the wedding? Did the friend contact you and let you know personally? Or did you read about it on social media? Or did one of your family members tell you? If he didn’t directly share the details, did you eventually reach out and congratulate him? Or did you learn the details and carry on with your day? If you didn’t take any sort of action after finding out, how can you expect him to invite you? You obviously don’t care about the relationship so why does it bother you so much?
You note that he comes to “family get togethers” but nothing you host. So, your family members have functions and think to invite him but you don’t reach out to him even to have a conversation about life? It seems a little selfish for you to expect an invitation when you don’t care to make an effort for the person.
If the issue is that your parents are invited – really, everyone in the family but you – that also comes down to who the ex-friend talks to and has relationships with.
My overall question for you is: Do you actually want to go or is it about the invitation? I can’t imagine that you don't want to go but then again I already hear you complaining and holding a grudge the whole time you're there. What’s the point?