When my relationship started, my partner had one piercing and one tattoo. Over the years he's gotten more and more of each. Now he's got so many that it's becoming gross. How do I get him to stop?
That’s kind of what happens to people, isn’t it? They try it and fall in love with it to the point of it becoming an addiction. It doesn’t happen to everybody but certainly people are known to go all out when it comes to body modification.
Here’s the thing – as we hear so often with women: “My body, my choice.” Sorry to say that the same goes for men no matter what the conversation. It’s one thing to not like a partner’s hairdo or outfit and express yourself and leave it at that but it’s our own choice when it comes to our bodies.
Having said that, there’s a way you can have a conversation without sounding pissed off. We’re allowed to share our opinions in relationships. You can be direct about how you’re feeling but you can’t cross the line and tell him to stop doing something. That’s controlling. (Sure, if it was drug addiction or something destructive, you can absolutely step in and put your foot down. In this case, not so much.)
Let’s flip it around: You have a huge hat collection but he loves your hair. You feel more comfortable in a hat and insist on wearing one every time you go out. You know how he feels but you choose to wear your favorite hat and ignore his feelings. Are you the bad person because you haven’t obeyed your partner’s interest? No. Are you inconsiderate? No, actually, you’re not. Because we can’t tell people how they have to look.
I’m not saying you’re stuck with whatever he chooses to do in the future but at some point you have to give up the fight.
Is he still the same person inside? If he is, it’s maybe something superficial that you need to deal with. I get that a drastic change in appearance can make someone look like a different person and be a change from what we’re used to. Maybe telling him bluntly that you’re not attracted to him anymore will be the rude awakening that’ll get your point across. Be prepared for a defensive response as outlined above.
How many times has someone got a bad haircut and had to live with it for the next how many months? Worse yet, that could be equally embarrassing for their partner who’s got to be seen with them in public, right? Although, I guess that’s when a good hat collection would be beneficial.