I'm getting married. My partner wants a big wedding with everyone invited but I want a smaller wedding because we're trying to save money for our life together. Whose wedding should we do?
Timing is everything. How about you wait to have a wedding until your life together is stable and you can afford it? Gone are the days of getting married and then living together. If your guests feel differently, you should probably have a smaller guest list!
Is your issue that you don’t want a big wedding no matter what? Or is it strictly because of finances? If you won a million bucks, would you still want the small wedding?
If the insistence is on getting married now-now-now, then I’d ask why there’s a rush. Marriage is theoretically a life together forever – FOREVER. You’ve got plenty of time, right? You’re already happy in the relationship so does the big, formal, expensive ceremony really matter that much?
It’s the same thing when people get engaged and set a countdown clock that the wedding has to happen within a certain time. The formality of the engagement is the bigger step – that’s the commitment to be together forever. The wedding is just the overpriced showy side to your relationship.
I’m not poopooing getting married, I’m just saying that when you break it down, the lavish reception with way-too-expensive food and people who’ll drink as much as they can because the booze is free, means more to you than it does them. And really, are you actually enjoying the reception for what it is or are you too busy worrying about things going wrong or fussing on minor details behind the scenes? Yes, the wedding is your day – and that means you’re still in control of it all.
These are all conversations you need to have with your partner. If the clock is ticking, ask why. Do you both view your finances the same way? If not, that’s a perfect reason to put things on pause and open up your communication. If you can’t get there – or at least meet in the middle – I’m sorry to say that a wedding should be a distant thought… if ever.