When I fight with my partner he brings up insecurities that have nothing to do with what we're fighting about just to insult me. He does it to hurt my feelings and thinks it wins him the fight. The digs sting long after the fight is over but he makes it too personal. Should I stoop to his level and make it personal or take the higher road?
That’s called a low blow – and not in the good way. It says something about your partner’s immaturity if he’s willing to sidestep the initial point of the argument to bring up something that’ll intentionally hurt you. On the flip side, how many times have we heard about people rehashing past drama in the heat of an argument? Neither situation leads to a positive outcome.
Without knowing what the insecurities are, it’s hard to give a full assessment. Bottom line is he’s purposely hurting your feelings and that’s bad enough. So, perhaps it’s time to examine how often it happens – or just that it happens at all. The purpose of an argument is to have your side heard whether or not your partner agrees with you. Generally, they don’t, hence the argument. But there’s a gratification in stating your point or feelings and putting it out there.
It seems like this is a power trip for him. It’s not about him winning the initial argument. His ultimate goal is to have the final word and make you feel less than. It’s not about him getting his point across in that particular battle. He’s going for the deepest cut. And when someone who’s supposed to love you goes for pain rather than understanding, it probably should make you rethink being together.
It’s one thing to make jokes about a partner’s insecurities to either make them realize how ridiculous they are or as a way to show you accept them, it’s another to use them as ammo to stomp on their emotions. Think about that when you’re preparing to dump his ass and find someone better.