My partner loves music and is a diehard concert-goer. I'm concerned about the money he's spending on concert tickets. It's not that he goes to the concert it's that he goes for the most expensive seating areas and says it's the full experience. He won't go for cheaper tickets at the back because you don't enjoy the concert the same. And depending on who the concert is, he might even travel to go see it or buy a bunch of souvenirs. So between that and the cost of tickets, he's spending so much. I'd rather he be saving money for our future (house buying to get out of our apartment, etc.).
Oh yes, the dreaded argument over household finances. Although, it doesn't sound like this is an argument quite yet. Or is it?
It's a tough one because his money is his money. True, you might be combining incomes to manage your finances but at the end of the day, yup, it's still his money. It doesn't sound like he's not pulling his own weight, it sounds like he's just not preparing for the future. And you know what, a lot of people don't. Now, if you told me he's dipping into his share of the rent money and you two are coming up short, then sure, I'd say he's in the wrong.
I'd get on his case if he's not paying bills that are his responsibility or if you're having to pick up the slack to cover for him. But, saving, while responsible, isn't necessarily a requirement in adulting.
I know you probably expected me to take your side on this and tell you you're right and he's wrong but I'm not going to do that. It sounds like concerts are his hobby -- maybe even a passion. Some people enjoy dining out or travelling (as he does for concerts) or collecting art or being parents. Would you rather he be a gambling addict or blowing all of his money on illicit drugs? (And, are you telling me that you save every penny and not enjoy yourself even just a little bit every now and then? Really though? Really?)
OK, so let's get to the relationship angle of this whole problem because you wanted advice and not just a lecture.
This isn't about him being "wrong" for loving music, nor is it about you being "boring" for wanting to save. It's about a fundamental difference in how you both prioritize immediate gratification versus long-term security.
This isn't a problem to solve for him, but a conversation to have with him. Approach this not as an accusation about his spending, but as a discussion about your shared future. It sounds like you're more focused on that, while he's living in the moment.
Suggest sitting down together to map out your shared financial goals – that house deposit, for example. Once you have those clear goals, you can work backward to create a budget that allows for both saving and enjoyment. Maybe he can still go to those bucket-list concerts with the expensive seats, but perhaps less frequently. Could he attend a few shows in cheaper sections, saving the premium tickets for truly once-in-a-lifetime events? Would he be open to setting a specific "fun money" budget for his concerts, travel and souvenirs, ensuring it doesn't derail your joint savings?
But, I'll say it one more time: his money is his money. You haven't said he's straining your household finances. You're forward thinking while he's not -- and, while it's probably something he should consider -- he's not obligated to do it.
Here's hoping he hears you out and you can reach some kind of compromise in the relationship. If not, find a rich man to marry -- or who already has a house!