I'm in a new relationship and it's been going great for a few weeks. The dates have been casual (walking the dog, going for evening drives, etc.). We just had dinner together for the first time and I'm kind of annoyed. I can't stand how he eats. He chews with his mouth open and chews loudly. He also goes "ahhhhh" after he has sips of drinks. Do I say something early on or just deal with it? I like him otherwise and I don't want to come into this relationship telling him to start changing things. But it really annoys me. A big part of relationships is having meals together so I don't think this is something I can avoid in the future. What do I do?
Eat by yourself before or after the date, and if he does happen to have a sip of water when you're together, make your own noise to cover up the "ahhh" sound -- clear your throat or cough or something!
I'm trying to think if there are quiet foods to chew. Cheese maybe? Oatmeal? Although you risk the slurping sounds of something liquid.
Well, here's the thing. You're right, asking him to change this early on would probably be a red flag to him. This might be something you just have to deal with... for now.
I'd say maybe once you're comfortable and you're in "that place" in the relationship you can make comments about each other's habits. If you have a joking/playful relationship now, it could be something you casually mention. Maybe he'll take the hint.
Addressing this could also be a good test of the communication in your new relationship. This might be a good chance to work on creating comfortable boundaries while building strong communication. And, of course, it's about how you approach the subject and deliver your message.
If every meal becomes an internal struggle for you, a test of your patience and annoyance, what kind of foundation are you building? That small irritation will fester, growing with every open-mouthed chew and every "ahhhhh." It will turn into resentment, and that resentment will poison the very connection you’re trying to nurture. You’ll find yourself dreading dinner dates, making excuses, and ultimately, pulling away. That’s a far greater risk to the relationship than a potentially awkward conversation. (Plus, imagine explaining that to your friends: "I couldn't with the way he chews..." Awkward!)
So, how do you approach it? With honesty and a focus on your feelings, not his perceived flaws. The bigger considerations: time and place. Should you do it during a meal or away from the food?
Again, this depends on if you tease each other and have a playful rapport this early. If you do, you could just casually say something like, "You know that when you chew with your mouth open you kinda spray as you talk!" This way, it's not criticism, it's more of an observation. You could also pretend that it's difficult to understand him if he is in fact talking while he eats and chews.
This isn’t about shaming him or demanding perfection. It’s about expressing a genuine discomfort that impacts your ability to fully enjoy time with him. It's about setting a precedent for open and honest communication, which is the bedrock of any successful long-term relationship. How he responds to this gentle, respectful request will tell you a lot about his willingness to consider your feelings and his capacity for compromise – crucial traits in a partner.
If he truly cares for you, he'll likely be mortified, perhaps even apologetic, and will make an effort. It might not be perfect overnight but the effort itself is a sign of respect and love. If he dismisses your feelings, gets angry or refuses to even consider it, then you've learned something vital about him early on, before more emotional investment is made.
Don't deal with it. Address it. This isn't about changing him; it's about creating a relationship where both partners can comfortably share life's simple pleasures, like a meal, without internalizing frustration.