There’s a phrase that haunts the post-breakup landscape, a saccharine lie whispered, typed and sometimes even shouted for all the world to hear: “I wish them all the best.”
I call absolute bullshit on that. I genuinely believe that in 99 percent of cases, when an ex utters these words, they’re full of it. They might say they wish you no ill will, but deep down there's a primal, often unspoken desire for their life to turn out significantly better than yours. It’s not about wishing you eternal torment but it’s definitely about wishing themselves more happiness, more success and a far more fulfilling next chapter.
Think about it. We’re human. We invest time, emotion and vulnerability into a relationship. When it ends, there’s hurt, anger, confusion and a bruised ego. To instantly flip a switch and genuinely desire the absolute pinnacle of joy for the person who, in some way, contributed to your pain? That’s a level of emotional zen most of us aren't capable of, especially in the raw aftermath.
Now, I can maybe, maybe carve out a tiny exception for the truly epic, decades-long relationships that just... fizzle out. The ones where you’ve been together forever, the spark died long ago and you just look at each other one day and mutually, quietly agree, "OK, it's over." In those rare instances, where love has morphed into a comfortable, platonic indifference and the break-up feels more like a logical conclusion than a gut-wrenching severing, I can accept that genuine indifference might exist. You “meh” your way out of it and there are truly no hard feelings because there isn’t much feeling left at all.
But for any couple that’s been together for a significant (or even not-so-significant) amount of time, especially in this hyper-connected social media age? Don’t even try to tell me you’re not checking in on them. Or, if you’re too proud, you’ve enlisted your squad to do the dirty work.
I've seen it firsthand. I know people who were so hurt or curious after a split that they were blocked by their ex, specifically to prevent them from checking their page. And what did they do? Did they shrug and move on? Absolutely not. They either created a fake profile to keep diligent watch or they strategically enlisted a mutual friend – someone with access – to provide updates on their ex’s life. Are they dating someone new? Did they get that promotion? Are they travelling? Is their new partner hotter than me? The questions are endless and the need for answers is insatiable.
And let’s be brutally honest with ourselves: if you’re still single long after the split and not blissfully distracted by a new relationship, you're almost certainly still creeping your ex on social media. It's an itch most of us can't help but scratch.
Even when you are in a new relationship and you're genuinely happy, the online stalking might ease up a bit. But does it ever completely disappear for good? For many, no. There's often still a lingering, subconscious need to confirm that you're happier, more in love and generally doing better than them. It's less about them being miserable and more about needing the validation that your decision, your path, has led to greater fulfillment. It's a scoreboard that only you can see but you're definitely keeping score.
So, the next time you hear someone declare they "wish their ex the best," take it with a grain of salt. Or, better yet, a whole shaker. Because while the sentiment sounds wonderfully mature and enlightened, the reality of human emotion and our competitive nature often tells a much more complicated and far more honest story. We all want to win, and for many, that sadly includes the breakup.