It’s one thing to endure bad sex. It’s another thing to force yourself into focusing on what’s happening. Not to say that you’ll nod off but it’s not difficult to see how the mind could wander.
That was the case for our little Collin. (Little can be relative but we’ll stick with little. Because, yeah.)
During a particularly notable encounter – and not for the right reasons – Collin found himself losing focus while doing the deed. Met with, what he described as, horrible sex, the ever-gentleman decided to have fun with it and make his partner believe that the experience was orgasmically wonderful, even though it was anything butt. Oops, but.
Hoping for it to be over sooner than later, Collin because to ramp up his “oooh, yeahs” and groans of excitement. He felt that might add some fuel to the momentum and prepare for a quicker blast-off. As his volume increased in the hopes of rounding the corner on a final approach, Collin uttered more positive reassurance and praise to the partner’s zero-star performance.
Losing focus from time to time, Collin spent several moments thinking about what else he could do to hurry things along and make the dullness end. With time dragging on and the Survivor finale moments away (really!), Collin began using a noticeable shift in his vocalization. Rather than loooooong slooooooow “yeaaaaaaah”s as if to wish it would never end, Collin used more frenetic statements like, “yeah, yeah, let’s go” and seemingly hoped to encourage a Survivor-like finale of his own just by talking it out.
With no end in sight and Jeff Probst welcoming viewers to the TV event of the summer, Collin lost all sense of chivalry and decided to end it once and for all.
“Oh yeah, yeah, that’s it. Oh yeah, Collin, yesssssss!”
That’s right, Collin purposely called out his own name to kill the mood and end the encounter. He didn’t think calling out someone else’s name would do the trick. He felt sending a message that he was thinking of himself to get through it would be more of a gut punch.
In the end, so to speak, the two never had another conversation and Collin has been happily in a relationship with his hair ever since.
Say my name, say my name… he says to himself.