OK, this might be a weird one for you! I've been with my partner for about eight months. We love going out and being social. It's often just the two of us but we enjoy being around others. Lately, he's started doing something that is a bit (maybe a lot?) creepy when we're out.
He's started to playfully lick and suck my fingers while we're eating at a restaurant. It's really embarrassing. It's not meant as a sexual thing but he jokes, "Your fingers are messy, let me help" and then goes to town licking. I'm pretty sure people have seen and are like, "What the fuuuuuuck?" What should I do?
Well, that's... interesting. Is it... like, uh, meant to be... sorta, like, funny... or... something?
While affection is lovely, there's a time and a place, and frankly, a public finger bath isn't it. The good news is, this is fixable!
My initial thought: stick your finger in something nasty and give him the shock of his life.
But, seriously, talk to the freak. I know, it sounds obvious, but direct communication is crucial. Don't be accusatory or mocking (but, why not?), even if you’re secretly mortified. Start by acknowledging his affection. Something like, "Honey, I love how affectionate you are, and I know you're just being playful..."
Then, explain clearly and kindly how his actions make you feel. "…but when you lick my fingers in public, especially at a restaurant, it makes me really uncomfortable and embarrassed." Be specific! Don't assume he knows why it bothers you. He might genuinely think it's cute.
Explain to him that you appreciate the loving gesture (do you though?) doing it in a public setting is just not appropriate and completely embarrassing.
The key is to frame it as your discomfort, not just him being "weird" or "gross." Using "I feel" statements is always a winner.
Next, offer alternatives. "Instead of licking my fingers, maybe you could hold my hand across the table, or give me a little wink." Suggest a replacement behavior that still expresses his affection, but in a more socially acceptable way. This shows you value his attention, just not that particular expression of it.
Most importantly, be firm but loving. This is your boundary, and it's OK to have one. If he cares about you and your feelings, he will respect it. If he dismisses your concerns or makes you feel bad for feeling embarrassed, then shove that finger somewhere nasty and ram it down his throat!