I'm struck by a disturbing trend. It seems like everywhere I look, parents are relying more and more on phones and technology to teach, entertain and even soothe their kids.
Now, I'm not against technology (um, hello, I'm writing to you in an app!) I think it's a wonderful tool that can be incredibly useful in the right context. But as I see parents handing over their phones to tantrum-throwing toddlers or using apps to teach basic skills, I have to wonder: are people relying too much on technology to raise their kids?
One of the biggest problems I see is that it's replacing human interaction. When kids are staring at screens all day, they're not learning how to communicate effectively with other people. They're not developing essential social skills like empathy, conflict resolution and problem-solving. And they're certainly not getting the physical activity they need to stay healthy and strong. (I walk by schoolyards and can't help but notice how many young fat kids there are. That's a symptom of eating habits, sure, but a big part of that is lack of physical activity.)
I've seen kids as young as two years old who can navigate a tablet with ease, but struggle to make eye contact or have a basic conversation with another person.
Another issue I have with relying on technology to teach kids is that it's not always effective. Sure, there are some great educational apps out there, but they're no substitute for hands-on learning and real-world experience. What was the tipping point for me? When I heard there's an app to teach kids how to cross a street. Really.
When kids are learning through screens, they're not getting the same level of engagement and understanding that they would from a real person. And let's be honest - how many of us have seen kids zone out in front of a screen, only to realize that they haven't actually learned anything? It's like they're in a trance, and it's not doing them any favors in the long run.
And then there's the issue of safety. When kids are glued to their screens all day, they're not developing the critical thinking skills they need to stay safe in the world. They're not learning how to navigate complex social situations, or how to avoid potential dangers. They're certainly not developing the resilience they need to bounce back from setbacks and failures.
I've seen kids who are so accustomed to getting instant gratification from their screens that they can't even handle a simple disappointment - it's like they're unable to cope with the slightest bit of frustration. They grunt and make noises like they're animals instead of using their words during their meltdown. But time and time again, the parent loses and the kid wins... because the phone is handed over, just like a pacifier when I was growing up.
Speaking of animals, it's monkey see, monkey do.
Sitting in a mall food court, two young moms (very young -- perhaps late teens) had their strollers in tow and clearly felt they were living the "influencer" lifestyle because it was selfies galore while their kids ignored lunch and stared at phones. (Back when I was in school it would've been embarrassing to have been knocked up at such a young age but nowadays it's celebrated. Whatevs.)
As the gals continued their duck-lipped snaps, one of their four collective kids wandered off and was walking through the rows of tables. Perhaps keeping an eye on him at first, eventually the teen moms lost track and didn't notice him stand on the bench of a table and ultimately climb onto the table itself. An elderly woman witnessed this and casually walked over to snatch the kid down and deliver him back to the negligent girl. The woman softly said that the toddler was on the table. The mom's reaction? "Oh, OK, thanks."
With parents just as distracted by phones, how can they tell their kid to put theirs away? Can't have it both ways, Mom and Dad. You're the role model.
I was out for lunch in a restaurant and a mom with her son were at the table beside me. The young boy was eager to talk about his science class and a project he was working on. Mom was so consumed by her phone that the device was in one hand while she fed herself with the other, all the while ignoring her child's attempt to get her attention. I was tempted to interrupt and start asking him questions just so he felt better about someone finally listening to him. (I'm also waiting for the time the tables are turned and he's on his phone and she has to demand attention. "But, Mom, remember when I was trying to tell you about science class? You don't? Exactly.")
Now, I know some parents will argue that technology is the future, and that kids need to be proficient in it to succeed. And I agree - technology is an essential part of our lives, and kids do need to learn how to use it effectively. But find a balance.
I've heard how some parents implement a no-phone rule during meal times (for those families that still eat together). But how long will that last? What'll end up happening? The kids/teens while shovel down their food as fast as possible to get right back on the phone.
You'd think at major family get togethers (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.) that kids would be excited to see their cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. A phone should be the last thing on their mind. Not so.
At Christmas, my teenage nephew was seated on the floor at a coffee table in the living room, scrolling his phone and ignoring everyone around him. My dad was on the couch behind him. My dad tapped his grandkid on the shoulder and said, "No phones on the table." My nephew's response? He took his hand off the glass table, put it under and continued scrolling as he stared at it through the glass. A loophole, right?
I'm already convinced there's no bucking all of these trends. I've seen it when new parents vow to not post (exploit) their kids on social media and keep photos offline. That lasts all of how long? Think about it: almost any kid that's been born in the past 10 years has had their life documented on social media almost from the literal first minute.
And you know what, there's no shaking that habit of thinking, "Gotta take a pic of this for social media." There just isn't. Maybe there's an app for that.