I’ve been a silent observer (and occasionally, a bewildered participant) in a particular brand of human interaction that honestly, just tickles my funny bone. I’m talking about the high-drama, low-effort tactics people employ when they want to end an argument, or rather, declare an argument over, usually with themselves as the undisputed victor.
You know the moves I’m talking about.
First up, the dramatic phone hang-up. Ah, the classic! You're mid-sentence, perhaps making a perfectly valid point about why leaving the milk out all night is a bad idea, and click! – the line goes dead. No goodbye, no "agree to disagree," just the abrupt, deafening silence of a dial tone. It's meant to be a power move, a definitive "I win because I ended this conversation on my terms!" But honestly, all I hear is the sound of someone running away from a verbal tennis match, racket still in hand, yelling "I'm the champion!" while sprinting off the court. My first thought is rarely "Oh, they really served me there." It's usually "Did their battery die? Or are they just... 12 years old?"
Then there’s its physical counterpart: the "I'm outta here!" storm-off.
Picture it: someone’s huffing and puffing, perhaps you've just highlighted a minor logical fallacy in their 'argument,' and then, with the gravitas of a Shakespearian actor making their final exit, they declare, "I'm outta here!" before stomping off. The door might even get a little slam for emphasis. You've seen it on countless episodes of Saved By the Bell and every soap opera on daytime TV.
Now, as much as I appreciate the theatricality, this grand declaration never quite lands as intended. My immediate followup thought isn't "Wow, they truly showed me!" It's more along the lines of "OK, where are they going? To their room? To make a snack? Will they be back for dinner?" It's not a mic drop; it’s a temper tantrum with a travel itinerary.
And finally, the digital age’s lazy champion: the "You’re blocked!" pre-block announcement.
Oh, the sheer audacity! Someone’s having a heated debate with you on social media, perhaps about the merits of pineapple on pizza (the true battleground of our age), and instead of formulating a counter-argument or, dare I say, disengaging quietly, they declare with a flourish, "That's it! You're blocked!" and then, presumably, execute the actual blocking.
What is the point of this? It's like announcing, "I'm about to ignore you now!" It’s redundant and, frankly, a bit silly. The intended impact is surely "I have silenced you!" but the actual impact is "I lack the ability to simply not engage, so I must first loudly declare my intention to disengage, thus extending the very interaction I claim to be ending."
Here’s my contention, and I'll say it loud and clear: all of these "grand exits" are nothing more than lazy, cowardly ways to end a debate. They aren't winning moves. They aren't signs of intellectual superiority or even emotional strength. They're the equivalent of running from a foot race and then declaring yourself the winner because you crossed an imaginary finish line in your own head.
When you hang up, storm off or declare a block before actually blocking, you haven't won the argument. You've merely forfeited. You've demonstrated an unwillingness or inability to engage in actual communication, negotiation or even just respectful disagreement. You haven't had the last word; you've merely run away from the conversation before anyone could say anything else.
So, the next time you feel the urge to dramatically hang up, stomp out or pre-block someone, remember this: the only person you're convincing of your 'victory' is yourself. For the rest of us, it just looks like you're playing a very dramatic, very confusing game of hide-and-seek with your own points. And honestly, it's far less impressive than you think it is.