There are so many people I call or text and wish happy birthday to (one is my cousin) and I don't hear back. I don't just post something on their Facebook page when it reminds me it's their birthday. I actually know when it is and I reach out. I've drifted apart from some of the people but there hasn't been anything bad that's happened between us to consider it a troubled relationship. We just don't talk as often as we did. Do I stop calling and sending texts? It seems like they're unappreciative. It's one thing to respond to every comment on a Facebook page but to get a personal call or text I feel is a bit more special. I actually call and leave my cousin voice mail. I don't hear back from her. Surely these people have time to respond with "thanks!" Thoughts?
Don't waste your time. Fuck 'em. Why are you worrying about people who clearly don't care about you? That might seem like a harsh opening to my answer but it's true.
There’s a special kind of sting when you put in the effort to personally reach out – a call, a text, a truly personal touch – only to be met with silence. You’re absolutely right; it feels more significant than a quick Facebook post and you’re justified in feeling unappreciated when that thoughtful effort goes unnoticed. Your feelings are valid, and it speaks volumes about your care and consideration for others.
When someone’s birthday rolls around, especially in our hyper-connected world, their inbox and phone are likely flooded. While your personal message is special and far more meaningful than a generic wall post, they might simply be overwhelmed. Perhaps they genuinely appreciate it but struggle with timely responses or they simply get caught up in the whirlwind of their own day. It's not necessarily a reflection of how they value you, but rather a snapshot of their own capacity, communication habits or even just the busyness of the moment.
OK, that was my positive spin on this.
Let's get back to the reality.
Bottom line: if you're leaving a voice mail (and, sure, I realize people don't generally listen to voice mails but when it's their birthday...? Yeah, they do) it takes a certain kind of asshole not to even shoot back a quick text to show appreciation. Sorry, I'm kinda getting worked up on this. It's a slap in the face if these are people who, you say, don't have a troubled relationship with you.
You mentioned that you've drifted apart, even with family like your cousin. This is a crucial point. As connections evolve, so, too, do the unspoken rules of engagement. What used to be an easy back-and-forth might now be a less reciprocal dynamic. If you’re sending a birthday wish with the expectation of a "thanks!" in return, and that expectation isn't met, it naturally leads to disappointment and resentment.
Either way, respect is a two-way street. You're clearly being disrespected when you go out of your way to think of others and send a friendly message on their big day. I'm guessing you don't hear from them on your birthday so cut your losses and don't bother reaching out anymore.