I met someone at a relative's funeral. He added me on Facebook after. Turns out he dated my cousin (whose dad just died -- my uncle). I'm conflicted about where, if anywhere, this could go.
You slut!
I'm not even asking any questions, just go for it! Done. Case closed. Next!
OK, let's get serious. This sounds like a weird entanglement that should have been explained in more detail. I'm actually disappointed this juicy tale didn't have more dripping meat. It kinda just, well, died. Ha! Yeah, I'm a sick person. Whatevs.
By the sounds of it you're thinking this "add" might lead to something, what, sexual, romantic? Now, maybe I should take this further: are you WANTING it to head in those directions? Maybe kinda sounds like you do. If so, why not?
It sounds like the ex is still in good with the family so that might be a tricky situation because if things do develop and all of a sudden he's coming around for holidays (again) there could be some awkwardness. (Or are you wanting to keep this on the down low?) At the same time, if you'd never met this person, it sounds like they weren't too present at family gatherings so maybe their relationship wasn't as serious as you thought.
On the other hand, this could be you getting waaaaaay ahead of yourself and reading too much into it. Is it weird to meet someone at a funeral and suddenly have them connect after? Maybe a little. You also haven't said how much interaction you two had at the event. Obviously it was enough to exchange names and for him to followup. Sometimes people will swap contact info because of the closeness of a funeral setting where there's a comfort amongst the guests. Is it meant as a sloppy hookup scene, no, but not uncommon for people to exchange details. When there's grieving it might just be a way to say, "Hey, it was great meeting you, I'm here if you need anything."
Now, the cousin. Ah, the family web. This is, admittedly, the trickiest knot to untangle. My first question to you is: how serious was his relationship with your cousin? Was it a brief fling, a serious long-term partnership, or somewhere in between? Again, if you'd never heard of the person (though I don't know your closeness to your cousin) were they that "official" or serious?
People date within social circles. Friends date friends' exes, colleagues date colleagues' exes, and yes, sometimes cousins date cousins' exes. It’s not necessarily an act of betrayal. If your cousin has moved on, if the relationship with this man was in the past, then the 'claim' on him, if one ever existed in your mind, has likely expired.
At some point, you'll need to address the elephant in the room with him. A simple, "I know you dated my cousin, and I wanted to be upfront about that," can open the door for an honest conversation. Gauge his reaction. Is he dismissive, or understanding? His response will tell you a lot about his character and his respect for your feelings and family dynamics.
I'm going to say it again: you could be waaaaaaay overthinking this and make yourself look like an ass if you're wrong about the reason for the "add."
Take it slow. Continue talking to him, get to know him better. See if that initial spark has real substance. If it does, and you genuinely feel a connection, then consider a conversation with your cousin if and when things start to feel serious. It's always better to be upfront and honest, but you don't need to preemptively ask for permission to explore a connection that is, fundamentally, about you -- and at this point, all in your mind since nothing of substance has really happened.