I like everything about my partner... except his teeth. Not only does he have giant gums (think "horse teeth") his bottom row is all out of alignment. It's not something I noticed right away because our first few hangouts were on video chat and then we were out doing things when we first met so we weren't exactly face to face talking. Once we did settle down for a cuddle night I was looking and once I noticed it I couldn't stop looking at his teeth. And I think he caught me because he was talking less after and wasn't moving his mouth as much when he talked. What do I do now?
Would casually cuddle Google'ing "local orthodontist" be too subtle?
This one is tricky because some people had "bad" teeth and are fine with it. So, if they're fine with it, that's what matters. There are also people who know they have bad teeth but perhaps don't have the financial resources or desire to get them fixed -- also their choice.
Let's flip this around: you confide in your partner that you have an insecurity (let's say you don't like your nose) and all of a sudden he's constantly looking at your nose because he'd never noticed how curved it is until you mentioned it. Now, he's making you uncomfortable but -- same deal -- you can't afford to get it fixed, etc. Fair or not fair?
Now, the smackdown: this isn't about his teeth. This is about your perception and what you choose to prioritize in a relationship.
You say that you like "everything about your partner" except this one physical detail. Think about that for a moment. You’ve found someone you genuinely connect with, someone who brings joy into your life, someone you want to cuddle with. How many people can say that? And yet, you’re allowing a purely aesthetic, superficial detail to cast a shadow over this promising connection.
Consider his reaction. He noticed your gaze, and he clammed up. He became self-conscious. This is a person who is clearly becoming vulnerable with you, sharing himself, and your unconscious reaction has already made him pull back. Imagine the damage if you ever voiced this concern directly, or if your discomfort continues to manifest in your behavior. You would be telling him, in no uncertain terms, that a part of him – a part he likely can’t easily change, or perhaps doesn't even see as a flaw – is unacceptable to you. That kind of message can erode trust, self-esteem, and ultimately, the very fabric of your relationship.
Shift your focus. Instead of zooming in on a perceived imperfection, widen your lens to the whole person you’ve fallen for. Remember the laughter, the shared interests, the comfort of his embrace, the ease of your conversations. Are these magnificent qualities truly overshadowed by the alignment of his bottom teeth?
We all have physical quirks -- maybe not us Buff Boys, but stick with me on this. Some are more noticeable than others. But a truly deep, fulfilling connection isn't built on flawless appearances; it's built on mutual respect, affection, shared values and the ability to love someone for who they are, not just how they look.
Challenge yourself. Every time your eyes drift to his teeth, consciously pull your focus elsewhere. Look into his eyes, remember the warmth of his smile, listen to the words he's saying. Practice gratitude for all the qualities you do love about him.
If you let this superficial detail fester, you risk destroying something potentially beautiful and profound. Don’t let a purely aesthetic hang-up blind you. His teeth are a small part of him. If you let that get in the way... well, maybe you don't deserve the relationship.