I'm an introvert but my partner is an extrovert. He's the life of the party and I like staying home and having quiet nights. He insists we go out and do more but I have no interest in that. Should I be more social or should he be less social?
A little of column A, a little of column B. Doing things outside of your comfort zone can be quite fun. In fact, it often builds stronger relationships.
I notice that you describe it as merely a preference. For instance, on a Friday night you’d prefer being home watching TV. I get that. It’s not an absolute don’t like it – hate it – never doing it – heels dug in – objection. It’s just not your first choice to do it.
If your partner loves football and it’s not your thing, there’s no problem in going along with it and watching him have a good time and enjoy himself. You’ll probably find you’ll have some laughs along the way. (Provided he’s not one of those drunk fighters we see on TMZ the next day.)
Relationships are the most fun when you do off-the-wall things. Neither of you would consider doing indoor rock wall climbing? Perfect. Find a place and do it next weekend. Never thought about doing indoor skydiving? Awesome. Do that the weekend after.
I have a cousin who’s a self-described homebody. Her husband travels a lot for work and when he’s gone she’s home alone pretty much the whole time. We’ll make plans for the weekend – even though she’d rather just stay in her pajamas and watch TV – and we say we’ll get together. What are we doing? Not a clue. Even when I get to her place Saturday evening we still don’t know what we’re doing. Is it dinner? Is it a sports bar? Is it an arcade? Bowling? Not a clue! And that’s actually what makes it so fun. There are times we’re literally in the car driving and we have to regroup and say, “So, where are we going?” And we still have no clue! Neither of us has an interest in bowling or arcades but we say, “What the hell, let’s be silly tonight and act like kids.” Again, it’s hilarious and we talk about it for weeks.
This works even better for a romantic relationship. I’m not suggesting you do a complete 180 and be a socialite who’s going out every night. You’ll probably find, however, that if you do mix it up and commit to going out every other weekend or once per month that it’s something you’ll both look forward to because it’s so rare. You might even find he’s coming up with ideas long before the next outing because the last time was so much fun.
If it’s that people are annoying and you’d rather not be around others in a loud environment, I get that, too. There’s nothing that says “going out” has to be around others for great lengths of time. It could be something as simple as driving to a different area of town and just going for a walk and exploring a new neighborhood. It’s technically going out but not in the sense we imagine when we say we’re “going out tonight.” If you’re down, work your way up to the weird and wacky outings because you’ll bond and have plenty of fun stories to share.
One more thing: As for him dialing it back and not going out so much, I think you’d probably want him to keep doing that. If he’s a social butterfly you might find him going stir crazy and annoying the piss out of you because he feels guilted into staying home and having a humdrum night with you. There’s no problem having a different social life with your partner.