It's a new relationship but my partner doesn't drive. I hate always having to drive and pick him up. He said we can take a bus to go on dates instead of me driving. Bus is incredibly inconvenient so I end up driving and it leads to fights. Should he become an adult and drive himself around?
I’m not sure that driving equates to adulthood. Plenty of people don’t drive for some obvious reasons. Whether it’s money or convenience – yes, some people find it convenient to not have a car – you’re making it seem like he’s just being lazy. If that’s the case, it’s not about driving so much as it’s his drive.
If he’s been able to get by all this time without a car, it’s sort of unreasonable to ask him to suddenly make a big financial investment just because you’re now in the picture. If he’s the type of person who always calls people for a ride and seemingly can’t get around without the assistance of others, well, then I kinda see your point. That, then, is a different conversation to have.
You could meet in the middle – literally. He can meet you at the restaurant or wherever you’re going and then you can drive him home after. Or he can take the bus to you and then you can drive somewhere together. If he’s willing to get ready and leave home an hour beforehand to meet you somewhere, I think you can repay the favor and drive him home after.
But, if you’re suggesting he expects you to be a personal chauffeur whenever he needs to go somewhere, then I’ll agree with you that he needs to become an adult.
I get the sense that you feel public transit is beneath you. Hey, I’m not shaming, I’m from Los Angeles and feel that way. But, if I need to take it, I’m willing to bite that bullet. Would it be a last resort if every taxi, Uber, Lyft, rickshaw and skateboard in town was booked? Yup.
You could always turn it into a funny part of the date. Make a silly game like bus bingo and see how many certain things you encounter. “Someone pulls the cord but the bus doesn’t go ding” or “obnoxious person on speakerphone call for everyone to hear.” There are ways to go with the flow and find a way to make the most of it.