I have an allergy to dogs but my partner always volunteers us to dog-sit. He's always wanted a dog but we don't have time to take care of one full time and my allergies make it unbearable. I end up having to stay in the basement the entire time we have a dog over. Should I say something to him?
Well, that’s a bitch – literally.
First and foremost, if it’s your home that you share, there’s no reason your accommodations have to be downgraded for a visiting animal. If the partner is the one changing things up, then the partner should make concessions if it’s something as serious as his love’s allergies.
Secondly, let him dog sit at the owner’s house. He should be a caring enough partner that he can say, “I’d love to help you out, but the dog can’t come to my place because of the allergies.”
Who comes first: you or the dog? Being that it’s not your dog, you damn well better come first. Now, if it’s something like an emergency and the dog owner has to suddenly leave town or be in hospital for a great length of time, sure, it’s acceptable as a last-minute workaround. But “always volunteers” makes it sound like his interest in dogs is greater than his interest in your comfort and well being.
I’m not saying he’s a douche – though the way you’re describing him doesn’t prove me wrong – but it sounds like he’s pretty insensitive if he’s aware of your allergy and simply doesn’t care just so he can have some dog time or help out a bud. Again, if he’s putting his friend before you, that’s also a conversation to have.
If you’re already at odds over someone else’s pet, I’m pretty sure – respective schedules aside – that you two aren’t ready to co-parent a fur baby, anyway. Take that discussion off the table immediately.
As for taking in others, what would happen if you stood your ground and said, “The dog can come, but where’s it going to stay?” Let your man talk it through and figure out a convenient arrangement. If his response is for you to go to the basement and not the dog going down there, I’d fire back and ask why someone else’s animal gets top billing in this house. If it leads to a fight, it leads to a fight. But is it worth an allergy attack to enable his insensitivity? If yes, then you deserve the sneezes and the wheezes.