I think I made a sex video after a drunk Pride party, but now I'm not sure. I have flashes of memory, a knot of anxiety in my stomach and I'm terrified. I don't know if a video exists, who might have it, or what to do next.
This sounds like a Drew story. Wait, did Drew send this one in?
OK, so let's talk (or write?) this through and see where it takes us.
It's entirely possible that your memory is playing tricks on you. Alcohol can severely impair cognitive function, leading to fragmented memories and a heightened sense of anxiety. The first step is to try and gently piece together the night. Who were you with? Where did you go? Are there friends you feel comfortable talking to who might recall details?
If, after some reflection, you realize there's a good chance a video doesn't exist, the best course of action might be to focus on self-care and moving forward -- you know, like drinking less to avoid the sloppy factor. (Did that sound judgey?)
So, does the video exist? This is understandably the most frightening scenario. The feeling of losing control over your own image and privacy is deeply unsettling. Here's what you can do:
Talk to your sexual partner(s): If you remember who you were with (oh, lawdy, I hope you do), have an open and honest conversation. Express your concerns and ask if they recall anything about a video being made. If a video exists, hopefully you can work together to get it deleted.
Understand your legal rights: Depending on where you live, there might be laws against non-consensual recording or distribution of intimate images. Research your local laws and consider consulting with a lawyer.
Report any potential abuse: If the video has been shared without your consent, platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter have reporting mechanisms for non-consensual intimate images. Be persistent and document all your communications with these platforms.
Now, if there's a video and it's out there. This is the worst-case scenario. Someone has violated your privacy and there are resources available to help you.
Report the video: Immediately report the video to the platform where it's been shared.
Seek legal help: A lawyer specializing in privacy or cybercrime can advise you on your legal options.
Lean on your support system: Talk to trusted friends, family members or a therapist. This is a difficult time and you need people who will listen and support you without judgment.
I trust you've been reading my advice columns for a while so now I'm gonna get real. That was a really stupidly dangerous thing and I hope you've learned your lesson. And, for anyone who comes at me for "victim blaming/shaming" I'm not the type of person who's going to sugar-coat something that could lead to a traumatic outcome. You're not a victim if you have too much to drink and lose control of your own body. That's on you.