All week my partner has been watching the L.A. protests. I thought of Buff Boy because you guys are the only ones I know in that area. With the hype of these "No Kings" protests, my partner has insisted on going. I'm all for freedom of speech and protest I just worry he's going to get caught up in a bad situation, especially since things tend to get violent and there's threats of arrests and even killing people who protest. How do I handle this?
Well, Saturday is a tough day for people. The No Kings protests are happening across the country and it's amazing how many folks are turning up to stand up for what they feel is unjust.
The threats, the potential for detention, the unthinkable horrors of murder threatened by Florida politicians... it's enough to paralyze anyone with fear, especially when someone you love is willingly walking into that maelstrom.
You've done the natural thing: you've voiced your concerns, begged him not to go. But he's determined. He's going, anyway. This is where the rubber meets the road in a relationship, and where "compromise" often feels like a gut-wrenching concession.
So, what do you do? First, let's acknowledge the obvious: you can't physically chain him to the radiator (nor should you -- as hot as it might be... literally, too!). He's made his decision, and ultimately, you can't control another person's actions. Clinging to that control will only breed resentment and push him further away.
You already know why he's going but truly understanding why he feels compelled to attend this protest is crucial. Don't just hear his words; listen to his heart. What values are driving him? Is it a deep-seated belief in justice? A fear of what Trump represents? A need to stand in solidarity with marginalized communities? Understanding his "why" allows you to empathize, even if you don't agree.
Instead of saying, "I don't want you to go because it's dangerous," try, "I'm terrified for your safety, but I want to understand why this is so important to you. Help me see it from your perspective." This opens a dialogue rather than shutting it down.
Express your fear honestly and vulnerably. Tell him specifically what scares you. Vague anxieties are easily dismissed. Saying "I'm afraid you'll get hurt" is less impactful than "I saw a video of protesters being tear-gassed, and the thought of that happening to you keeps me up at night."
Show him you understand his dedication to the cause, even if you don't share it. Say something like, "I respect your passion for this, and I know you wouldn't be going if it wasn't incredibly important to you."
Do you need to set boundaries and expectations since he's heading into a potentially dangerous situation? Maybe he agrees to check in with you every hour. Perhaps he promises to stay away from the front lines. Maybe he'll go with a friend and promise to stick together. Finding these compromises, however small, can ease your anxiety and show him you respect his autonomy while still prioritizing his safety.
I haven't forgotten about you and your feelings. You could also put some pressure on him. If you're fearful that he'll get caught up in the moment (throwing things, pushing down barriers, starting fires, causing destruction) you put your foot down even before he steps foot out of the house. Draw your red line.
"I see some hooligan on TV getting thrown to the ground by cops because he just smashed a window and it's you... we're done. Don't even waste your one phone call on me."
Ultimately, this situation highlights the inherent risks of loving someone who is passionate and committed to something you might not fully understand or agree with. It forces you to grapple with your own fears and anxieties, and to trust that your partner is capable of making his own choices, even if those choices scare you.
It won't be easy. There will be moments of intense worry and perhaps even anger. But by focusing on understanding and communication -- not to mention, trust -- you can navigate this difficult situation with more grace, strength and, hopefully, a measure of peace.