Let's be unequivocally clear: your workplace is not your family. And honestly, when companies insist on presenting their workforce as a "family," I find it utterly obnoxious, bordering on insulting.
This isn't just a pet peeve; it's a fundamental misunderstanding of the modern employment relationship, and it leads to a host of problematic dynamics that ultimately undermine genuine employee engagement.
First of all, at Buff Boy, most of us live together in West Hollywood at what's called Buff Loft. Even with that dynamic it's not like Three's Company or Friends. We're not roommates, we're not family. We're co-workers who share a living space. Do we consider each other friends? Yes, but that's because we genuinely like each other and get along. We all have similar personalities But it's not, "OK, guys, I'm heading out for the night. Be back at 10." We don't check in with each other, we don't monitor our comings and goings. I'm writing this on a Thursday night and I have no idea who's in the building and who's not. (And by the way, our bosses have never -- ever -- referred to us or the team as a "family." The Canadian group has been together nearly 20 years and they don't even call each other "family.")
Back to "regular" workplaces though.
I understand the desire to foster a strong communal spirit but there’s a crucial distinction to be made. Using the word "team" makes perfect sense. A team works together, relies on each other and strives towards common goals. There’s collaboration, mutual support and a shared objective. That’s a healthy, productive metaphor for a professional environment.
But "family"? That’s a bridge too far.
Family implies unconditional love, lifelong bonds and an innate sense of belonging that transcends performance reviews and quarterly earnings. Your employment, by contrast, is inherently transactional. I offer my skills and time; you offer compensation and a work environment (and in our case, a living environment!). It’s a professional agreement, not a blood oath.
I vividly recall working at a company that was the quintessential "rah-rah family" type. Management constantly preached about us being "one" singular unit, a unified collective bound by more than just a paycheck. Yet, the reality was a stark contrast to this saccharine rhetoric.
When the annual Christmas party rolled around, meticulously planned with dinner, dancing and entertainment booked by management, the palpable desire among employees was to escape. As soon as the meal was done, people were looking for the nearest exit. There was no lingering, no desire to genuinely bond, no eagerness to "stick around" like extended family at a holiday gathering.
If it truly was this lovey-dovey, familial atmosphere, wouldn't people naturally want to share in the entertainment and deepen those proclaimed connections? The answer, clearly, was no. People just wanted to do their duty – eat the free meal – and then get back to their actual lives.
This brings me to a crucial point: people have busy, complex lives outside of work. The romanticized notion of making one's job and career their entire life simply isn't realistic for most adults anymore, if it ever genuinely was.
We have families, friends, hobbies, responsibilities and personal aspirations that extend far beyond the cubicle. The honest truth is, for the vast majority of employees, the primary driver for showing up to work is financial compensation. We want to do our job, contribute our skills, get paid fairly and then go home (which, you know, is our rooms in Buff Loft!). There's no deep emotional connection to the work itself, let alone to bosses, co-workers or executives, outside of defined work hours. To pretend otherwise is to live in a corporate fantasy.
Compounding this "family" fallacy is another peculiar and, frankly, condescending trend I've observed: companies treating adults like children.
I'm talking about the "Spirit Week" celebrations, the dress-up days, cubicle-decorating contests, and "game days" complete with cheap prizes. It instantly transports me back to elementary school.
This, we're told, is "employee engagement." But receiving a $5 coffee gift card because your desk was deemed the "best decorated" for Halloween, as a 30- or 40-some-year-old professional, feels less like engagement and more like an insultingly patronizing gesture.
Are we truly meant to derive professional satisfaction from winning a paltry prize for something so utterly trivial? And when we don't participate in the dress-up or decorating, we're seen as not being a team player -- perhaps somebody who's contributing negative energy to the "family." (No, actually, I'm a grown-ass adult and don't need childhood entertainment to do my job.)
What these companies often fail to grasp is that true engagement stems from respect, autonomy, fair compensation, meaningful work and opportunities for growth. It doesn't come from forced fun or infantilizing activities. Offering a low-value gift card for a "costume contest" doesn't make me feel valued; it makes me question if my employer truly understands what motivates adult professionals. It suggests they might view their workforce as easily amused children rather than competent individuals whose time and effort are worthy of genuine appreciation and investment.
So, please, let's retire the "work family" rhetoric. Let's embrace "team," "colleagues," or "professionals working together." Let's acknowledge that employees are adults with clear boundaries, personal lives and a primary motivation that is, quite rightly, financial.
Instead of attempting to manufacture artificial bonds through forced fun and childish contests, focus on what truly matters: a healthy work environment, clear expectations, fair pay and treating your employees with the respect and professionalism they deserve. Because at the end of the day, when the work is done, most of us just want to go home to our actual families.