Last week, we celebrated our fourth BuffDay -- it was July 2, 2021, that Buff Boy Brewing Co. launched.
We'd been working our collective tails off for weeks, fueled by caffeine and sheer willpower, building the Buff brand from the ground up. And finally, FINALLY, it was time to pop some metaphorical corks (and maybe a few actual ones) with the big bosses who'd flown in for the grand opening -- even though we technically live in their West Hollywood house!
This wasn't just any corporate shindig; it was a bona fide pool party in the lush, sun-drenched backyard of Buff Loft – our namesake, naturally.
Now, at Buff, we all take turns manning the front lines of social media. It's a rotating roster of digital diplomacy, answering queries, sharing silly updates, fending off Drewsy's ego and generally being the sexy, caffeinated voice of our burgeoning coffee empire.
That fateful July 2? It was Collin’s turn to man the phone. Lucky him, right? Well, lucky him, unlucky phone.
He was there, poolside, company phone in hand, diligently replying to all the celebratory “Congrats!” messages flooding in from the excited Buff community -- many of whom first discovered our big bro, Happy Bulge Swim Co. a couple of years earlier. (Shoutout to HB!)
Picture this: The party's barely warmed up, maybe 20 minutes in. The SoCal air is thick with chlorine, laughter and the distant hum of a blender. Collin, ever the enthusiastic communicator, is gesticulating wildly, probably explaining the intricate notes of our Southern Beefcake Breakfast Blend coffee to someone on Twitter.
His hand, unfortunately, is still dripping from a recent dip. And then... it happened. The company BlackBerry, our lifeline to the Buff community, decided it wanted to join the pool party, too. It was a slow-motion nightmare. I swear, you could hear the collective gasp, followed by a faint, drawn-out “noooooooooo!” as the phone arced gracefully through the air, a digital diver preparing for impact.
Splash! Right into the deep end. Collin, bless his cotton socks, didn't hesitate. He plunged in after it, a corporate rescue mission of the highest order. Now, before you scoff – yes, we still operate on BlackBerrys. Don't ask. It's a Team Canada thing with our parent company. And believe it or not, that sturdy little brick of a phone, after a brief power-off, flickered back to life, fully restored.
Collin emerged, dripping but triumphant, clutching the revived device. There was a collective sigh of relief. No company property destroyed on day 1! We probably even clapped. Collin, I imagine, felt like a hero. He probably thought, “Crisis averted! What are the odds of that happening again?” Oh, Collin. Sweet, innocent, water-cursed Collin.
The very next day -- mark it down -- July 3 -- you'd think after such a dramatic aquatic adventure, Collin would have developed a healthy fear of water and company electronics. You'd be wrong. There he was, bright and early, back at Buff Loft's backyard pool. This time, he was being cautious. Or so he thought.
He perched himself on the edge, legs dangling in the cool water, the trusty BlackBerry placed carefully on the concrete beside him. Safety first! Or, you know, second.
He had a tall glass of “lemonade” beside him. And yes, he swears it was just lemonade. Pure, unadulterated, lemon-infused, non-alcoholic lemonade. He reached for it, perhaps to take a refreshing sip, perhaps to toast his newfound mastery over gravity and slippery phones. And then, with the grace of a newborn giraffe, he knocked it over. Spilled it. Right onto -- you guessed it -- the BlackBerry.
Day 1: pool wash. Day 2: lemonade bath.
The universe, it seemed, had a very specific, very wet agenda for Collin and our company phone. The irony was so thick, you could cut it with a butter knife and serve it with a slice of, well, lemonade-soaked BlackBerry.
The collective groan that followed was almost as loud as the one on July 2. At that point, it wasn't just bad luck; it was a pattern. A hilariously, frustratingly damp pattern. We realized then, with a sinking feeling (much like our phone had twice), that Collin and bodies of water simply do not mix when company property is involved.
And so, four years later, a sacred, unwritten-but-very-much-enforced rule exists at Buff HQ. The Buff phone – any Buff phone, past or present – is strictly forbidden within a 20-foot radius of the pool. Seriously. You heard that right. Twenty feet. It's not a suggestion; it's a corporate mandate, born from the watery woes of one Collin. It's Collin's legacy, writ large in corporate policy.
(Months later, the company added a second phone into the mix -- the Happy Bulge phone for when we handle their store on days off and holidays. Needless to say, Collin rarely double-fists in the backyard. Well, there was that one time after too much tequila, but...)
Poor Collin. Enthusiastic, dedicated, always means well. Just... not with phones and liquids. He still gets ribbed about it, of course. Any time someone mentions rain, or a glass of water, or even a particularly juicy fruit, someone inevitably glances at Collin and the company phone, just to make sure they're not engaging in any dubious close contact.