Ah, Collin. Where do we even begin? Let's just say that if life in Buff Loft were a sitcom, he'd be the lovable, well-intentioned goofball that keeps the audience in stitches.
Collin fancies himself our resident prankster but sometimes (mostly) it goes terribly wrong and the surprise (joke) is on him.
Buckle up, folks, because this one's a doozy.
Our story begins with Collin's aunt, Pam, turning another year wiser. Collin, the self-proclaimed jokester, wanted to do something special. He wasn't content with a simple card or a generic gift card. No, Collin had a vision: a full-blown, personalized birthday ambush!
His plan was elaborate, bordering on theatrical. He somehow managed to sleuth out which restaurant Pam had booked for her birthday dinner with a group of girlfriends. Turns out, a high-end national steakhouse chain.
He embarked on a mission worthy of a low-budget spy film. He called the restaurant, pretending to be Pam's husband. After a few carefully worded inquiries, he landed the jackpot: a reservation under the name "Pam" for a party of eight. Bingo! On the call, he noted that they were adding a guest: their nephew, who would be attending the dinner, but arriving before everyone to decorate and surprise the group as they arrive.
Next came said decorations. Collin, clearly channeling his inner party planner, raided the local party supply store. Think streamers, balloons, and enough glitter to blind a small pony. (He couldn't get the pony. Something about health code violations in a restaurant or something.) He even managed to find a ridiculously oversized birthday hat, complete with flashing lights and a squeaky horn. The man was committed! (Or should be, anyway.)
But the pièce de résistance? The costume. Collin decided to greet Aunt Pam in full regalia, ready to unleash a torrent of birthday cheer. What costume did he choose, you ask? A can-can girl since it was a girls-night-out dinner. Because nothing says "Happy Birthday, Auntie!" like a muscular dude looking like a showgirl from the Old West.
So, armed with decorations, his drag outfit, and a heart full of good intentions, Collin arrived at the restaurant an hour before the scheduled reservation. He sweet-talked the staff into letting him stake out the corner where Pam's table was set up.
He spent the next hour meticulously transforming the space into a birthday wonderland. Streamers were draped, balloons were strategically placed, and glitter was sprinkled with the enthusiasm of a sugar-crazed fairy. Collin, sweating profusely, was a masterpiece of comedic anticipation -- especially as other diners noticed him in the corner of the room. He envisioned Aunt Pam's delighted face, her surprised laughter, and the sheer joy of the unexpected ambush.
The clock ticked closer to the reservation time. Collin, now practically glued to the entrance, bounced on the balls of his feet, ready to kick it into high gear. (Get it?)
Then, a group of women walked in, their laughter echoing through the restaurant. Collin, hiding just around the corner from the hostess podium at the front door, waited with nervous excitement. The hostess greeted the group just loud enough so Collin could hear. As she led them to the table he followed behind.
But as he observed the group, a sense of unease began to creep in. These women… they didn't look like Aunt Pam and her friends. For one, they were considerably younger. And two, there was a distinct lack of familiar faces. Then, as the women noticed the decorated setup, they started to comment on the confusing ambiance.
Collin, ever the optimist, brushed it off. Maybe Aunt Pam had invited some new acquaintances? Maybe she'd had a makeover and looked completely different? Was she just not there yet? He decided to proceed with the plan.
As everyone took their seats he lumbered towards the table, the squeaky horn on his hat blaring a discordant tune. "Happy Birthday, Aunt Pam!" he bellowed, expecting a delighted shriek of recognition.
Instead, he was met with a collective gasp of confusion. The women stared at him, their expressions ranging from bewildered amusement to outright alarm.
"Um… are you sure you have the right Pam?" one of the women finally asked, her voice laced with polite uncertainty.
Collin stammered, "But… the reservation… the name… Pam?"
The woman giggled. "Yes, I'm Pam. But I think you might have the wrong table." She jokingly asked the group, "Did someone get me a stripper?"
Cue the record scratch.
Sooooooooo... where's his aunt? Is there another "Pam" reservation tonight? What happened?
After a quick call to his cousin (Pam's son), Collin did, indeed, confirm the restaurant chain -- and only at this point, determine there was another location across the city. (Imagine that: a national company having more than one location in a city the size of Los Angeles. Go figure.)
Of course, only Collin could have the luck of two Pams with reservations on the same night at the same restaurant... but at different locations.
The realization washed over Collin like a bucket of ice water. He had the wrong Pam. The wrong location. The wrong everything.
The air crackled with awkwardness. Collin, trapped sweaty in drag, wanted nothing more than to disappear. He mumbled a hasty apology, attempting to extricate himself from the situation with what little dignity he had left.
But then, something unexpected happened. The "other" Pam, a woman with a warm smile and a mischievous glint in her eyes, stopped him.
"Wait! Don't go!" she said, her laughter infectious. "This is hilarious. You went to all this trouble… why don't you at least stay a drink?" It wasn't her birthday, it was actually a class reunion of girlfriends.
Collin, stunned by the offer, hesitated. "Are you sure?"
The women erupted in laughter again. "Absolutely! This is way more exciting than anything we had planned. Besides, who turns down a party?"
And so, Collin, the accidental party crasher, found himself embraced by a group of strangers celebrating a school he'd never heard of and reliving memories he didn't have.
Collin ended up enjoying himself. He hit it off with the "other" Pam and her friends, sharing stories, jokes and even a slice of birthday cake.
But the best part? Collin, ever the dedicated nephew, didn't forget about his actual Aunt Pam. He managed to track her down on a video call her from the "other" Pam's party, serenading her with a slightly tipsy, slightly off-key version of "Happy Birthday."
Stay tuned, folks, because with Collin around, life is never dull.